Unfortunately we did not win the lottery. I'm going to keep trying though. This spending 11 hours a day away from my baby stuff is for the birds. I really can get myself pretty down about it if I let myself. So before Daniel was born, my hours were 7:30-5:30, a 10 hour day. Well, to be able to get Daniel picked up from the sitter in time, I've adjusted my schedule to 6:30-4:30. Cody does drop off in the morning, and I pick up in the evening. He has to be picked up by 5:30. Anyway, by the time I leave the house at 6a and get to the sitter at 5p, it has been 11 hours that I've been away. HATE THAT.
The first week I returned to work, Aug 8th, was tough, but my mom came down to stay with Daniel as sort of a transition week, so it helped out a ton (not to mention saved a lot of $$!) So Aug 15th was his first week at the sitter, and Cody had to drop him off that morning. I was at work watching the clock near his 7:30 drop off time, getting more and more nervous. I'm not sure what I nervous about. But I was on the verge of tears. Then Cody called me at 7:42 as he was driving away from Kathy's, and he told me wasn't able to hold back the tears, and then I just lost it. Shoot, hate crying at work! Went to the bathroom to try to pull myself together, but one of my coworkers wanted to know what was wrong, so I had to talk about it which made me keep crying!
Today was Day 3 at Kathy's and Daniel has been doing great. He hasn't seemed to notice or care a bit that he's not at home, so thankful he's not fussing the whole time he's there. He's not a fussy baby by any means, but I just kept envisioning that he'd be giving her fits for some reason. Of course not, though. He's been super laid back about it all. We are so lucky! On his first day there, I managed to hold off from checking in on him until 11:15a. Later that afternoon, Kathy text me that Daniel gave her a its-nice-to-meet-you blow out :) Ha!! And then when I picked him up that evening (I couldn't get there soon enough, btw), she asked me if he normally toots like an adult. Haha, yes I forgot to warn her of that. She said the other kids were giggling so hard when he was blasting 'em!
Work has been ok. Before I had Daniel, I worked a lot more than 45 hours a week, and I was struggling then to get everything done. So now that I only have 45 hours to get my work done in (I am taking 2 30-minute breaks each day to pump, so that leaves me at a 9 hour day), I am really concerned about being able to handle my workload. And I'm really not all that willing to log in from home in the evenings. So we'll see. I'm struggling with whether I believe I can have a successful career at BMcD and still be a good mom and good wife. Had a little breakdown at work this morning...seriously, what is up with the hormones?! I've cried like 2 times in my entire life, and ever since I got pregnant, they just seem to flow freely. And at work, no less - ugh! My poor boss probably wonders what the heck has gotten into me.
Ok, better get back to my sweet baby. He's been occupied in his swing while I did this post, but now I feel the need to scoop him up and love on him.
Hang in there mommy!! Daniel sounds like he's doing great at the sitters. And I completely empathize with all of your feelings. I wish we could all be stay at home mommies!! And the whole hormones thing...ya, doesn't change. 2.5 years later I can cry at the drop of a hat. I'm hoping the next kid kicks me back into "normal" mode. haha
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